by Kate Cocker | Jun 26, 2019 | Coaching, Presenting, Public Speaking
There are, of course, many elements that have to come together in order for people to do what you want. One of those elements lies in the language you choose to instruct them.
When my kids were little, I went on an “Incredible Years” parenting course, not just because there was a free creche and I got a break – honest! Mainly because my neighbour had done the course and her son was so well behaved! He did everything she asked him to do.
I HAD to know her secret.
So I went on the course. And here is what I learned:
Ask people to do what you want them to do.
- Speak in the positive
Why? Because your unconscious mind hears positive instruction.
When you see a child carrying a glass of water, and they are tottering towards a table, and it looks like they are going to spill it, what do you hear their parents say?
“Don’t spill the water!!”
Your brain doesn’t hear the “Don’t” – especially when you are a kid. And more often than not you can guarantee that that child will actively spill the water. That’s what they think they’ve been told to do.
Asking people what you want them to do (rather than what you don’t want them to do) has real results. When we learned this Mr C and I got really creative with the kids:
“Keep your feet on the floor!” when they thought climbing on things was OK and it wasn’t.
“Put your hands on your tummy” when we wanted them not to touch anything in the shops.
It worked more than “Don’t touch that” ever did. And the added bonus is that if you ask people to do what you want them to do – it’s easier to reward them for doing it. Creating a great cycle of positive reward!
2. Be clear with what you want
That’s it. If you want someone to do something for you then you have to ask them explicitly what it is you want them to do. One thought per instruction. The minute you ask for more than one thing, or you start to clutter the request, people won’t hear it.
Less is 100% more.
by Kate Cocker | Oct 3, 2018 | On Air, On Screen, On Stage, Presenting, Radio Presenting
I used to be the boss of a freelancer who was a master persuader, they regularly got what they wanted from others.
I was often on the receiving end of personal requests that usually went like this:
“Please could I leave a bit early today because I have to get home to receive a delivery of some drawers”
“Yeh sure” I would reply.
“Please could I skip the post show meeting tomorrow because I have to get over to another meeting at 1030.”
“Yeh sure” I would reply.
I would let the rest of the team know and they would roll their eyes that I had said yes yet again, and I would find myself trying to convince them that going home for a delivery was important. (I can feel you rolling your eyes too).
You won’t believe the trick this freelancer was using…
I’m currently training to become an NLP Practitioner, and I’ve reached the module on the language of persuasion. One of the key ways to persuade is to communicate the cause and effect of what it is you are trying to achieve.
The most powerful word you can use then is: BECAUSE.
Read it again:
“Please could I leave a bit early today because I have to get home to receive a delivery of some drawers”
“Yeh sure” I would reply.
A study looked at people trying to push in a queue for the photocopier. If you just asked to go before someone they would say no. If you asked to go ahead of someone “because, and then gave your reason” you would inevitably end up further up the queue.
It’s worth noting that the reason often is irrelevant… hence of course I was saying “yeh sure”.
When talking to an audience, your boss, new clients, any one you are trying to persuade, using “Cause and Effect” can help you then get what you want from them.
Communicating the benefit to your audience will always help them along. So, if you are trying to get your audience to enter a competition:
“Text me now because I have a <prize> you could win…”
“Text me now so that you are in to win…”
“When you text in, then you could win….”
Side note: When my kids were little they were taught to sell “because” as their first “tricky word” with this mnemonic: Big Elephants Always Understand Small Elephants. It always makes me smile.
