The 3-Step Process To Deal With Your Nerves

I am on the train on the way to do my first big industry talk. I have memorised it. But all I can think is “what if I forget the words?”.  I mutter my words as I recite it in my head over and over. I am consumed with nerves.

I get to the conference in time for lunch. A friend speaks to me and I am incapable of holding a conversation. I am consumed with nerves.

Next, I am pacing backstage reciting the talk over and over. I am on in 10 minutes. I am consumed with nerves.

I hit the stage – the nerves? They’ve turned in to adrenaline. I am flying. I am loving it. And I remember the words.

Many people come to me worried about nerves. They tell me they’ve tried the breathing, they’ve tried the NLP techniques, they’ve tried imagining the audience naked (I’ve never really understood this one!), they say they’ve tried everything – and they are still riddled with butterflies, shaky knees and that overwhelming feeling that everyone can see they are rubbish.

They say to me: “How do I get rid of my nerves?”

Here is your magic bullet:

You don’t.

Trying to ‘get rid’ of your nerves is a waste of time and a losing battle. What you do is manage your nerves, and here are 3 techniques to try.

1) Accept The Nerves

I recently interviewed comedian Hayley Ellis and she talked about how when she started she used to wear a scarf to hide the anxiety rash she would get from the nerves of performing.

This is not uncommon with many actors and comedians talking of having nerves when performing. 

The reality is that everyone gets nerves in one form or another. Some people talk about using their nerves, or seeing them as positive – may be telling yourself that they are excitement rather than anxiety.

The trick is to accept them. Fighting the nerves and thinking you are not supposed to feel nervous is a sure fire way to fuel your anxiety. Accepting fear as part of the process is the only way to help reduce and manage it. 

I saw comedian David Nihill, writer of “Do You Talk Funny?”, speak at TEDx Manchester, and after speaking to comedians and working through his own nerves his summary was “the nerves will always be there – you have to learn how to manage them”.

2) Do It Again, And Again, And Again

Once you’ve accepted that you are going to get nervous and that the nerves are all part of the process – do it more than once.

Take all opportunities to speak. And make sure you use rehearsal in the process.I run my speaker courses over 6 weeks. By doing this, people focus on their rehearsal rather than on their performance. From week 1 the participants speak in front of their fellow students and they repeat it every week.

On more than one occasion the repeated rehearsal in front of their peers has led students to acknowledge the reduction of their nerves.  

The best way I can describe this is that this is not about getting out of your comfort zone, and staying uncomfortable. It’s about GROWING your comfort zone so the uncomfortable becomes comfortable.

3) Make It About The Audience

It is so easy to think that you are on show and that everyone can see all your vulnerabilities as you stand there on stage and that everyone will notice every slip up and that everyone is staring at you and they know that the stuff you’re saying isn’t as good as you want it to be etc etc etc.

This is all of course nonsense. If people could really read your mind, no one would ever need to speak in public.

Take the pressure off yourself.

The best speakers make it about the audience. In her book “Out Front” speaker Deborah Shames recounts that one of her best-received talks was when she just spent the whole time answering the audience’s questions. Take the light that you feel is shining on you, and shine it on your audience. Make it about them, give them something useful and entertaining and you will get the best feedback.

The magic bullet to get rid of your nerves is that there isn’t one. Once you accept that nerves are part of the process you can work out your way to manage them, rehearse with them and then make it about everyone else but you. Stepping out of your comfort zone should never really be a one-off experience, it should be about getting uncomfortable and then making it comfortable.